January 30, 2013

Addiction Is The New Steel

The road to success!

Ya you heard it right, a group of smart little cronies high up in city hall have found a foolproof market in Hamilton they can tap into for a little cash flow.


Yes, addicts, the easiest damn group of people to cater to.  They will literally pay whatever it takes to get their hands on what you're selling.  Ask you local drug dealer if he/she ever has a problem trying to get return customers.

Well, anyways those thoughtful ol' folks figured a department store sized bingo just doesn't cut it anymore for our growing city and came up with a whole new game plan.  A flashy new casino.  As long as it is carefully placed near the racetrack or better yet, downtown by the bingo hall, they will have torn a brand new hole in the already saturated addiction market to stick their shiny little heads through and snag some bucks.  Bucks that could have left town for Niagara, or even worse... to Toronto's new gambling hole!  Ugh.
Imagine another city taking our hard earned gamblers' cash.  It's ours!

But with such a brilliant plan creating millions of new jobs that will make us all well-off, why stop at gambling addicts???  Perhaps, the city of Hamilton should consider a municipal brand of cigarettes or a nice whisky aged in the finest Hamilton steel drums for a unique metallic aftertaste.  Or better yet, the most loyal customers will always respond best to a heroine fix.  Think of how sustainable this industry could be, think of the jobs.  Think of the children!

Peep the full proposal here and pass it on to your local councillor for some immediate approval.

What d'ya say?

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